The light in the darkness

Well, here I am talking about cancer and dying again. I swear it's the last of these for a good long while, guys. (I hope I don't end up eating my words.) The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs was recommended to me after reading When Breath Becomes Air because Nina's widowed husband is now dating the widow of Paul Kalinithi who wrote the aforementioned. O_O  At the start of her story, Nina was 38 years old and her biggest problems centered around publishing her newest bit of writing and mothering her two young sons with her husband...and then Cancer rapidly derailed her life. When Nina was initially diagnosed with breast cancer her mother was fighting her own battle with an aggressive myeloma. At first, Nina's diagnosis seemed quite straightforward in comparison. Her doctor felt it was quite treatable with a mastectomy and chemo but right as her life seemed to stabilize a stabbing back pain (reminiscent of Paul Kalinithi) made itself known. This turned out to be the harbinger of Stage 4 cancer which unfortunately was not curable. To add insult to injury, her mother's cancer stopped responding to treatment and she opted to stop her treatment. Overwhelming and almost unbelievably melodramatic as this all sounds Nina chose to view each day through a positive lens. It is obvious to me that she was a special person with a whole lot of spirit. Sadly, she passed away before final publication of her book but her legacy still lives and breathes on each page of her memoir. I'm sorry we can't enjoy more writing from her in the future.  9/10

Source: Simon & Schuster

What's Up Next: The Science of Supervillains by Lois H. Gresh & Robert Weinberg

What I'm Currently Reading: Tales from the Inner City by Shaun Tan

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

The argument for palliative care

"...our decision making in medicine has failed so spectacularly that we have reached the point of actively inflicting harm on patients rather than confronting the subject of mortality. ...you live longer only when you stop trying to live longer." - pg 178

I wanted to start with that quote from today's book because it struck me as being so shocking in its simplicity and yet it completely blindsided me with its poignancy. Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande is at heart a discussion of the ups and downs of treating the elderly through a variety of means whether that means aggressive medicine, nursing homes, assisted living, or hospice. It's obvious that the author has a great admiration for palliative care and a belief that all doctors/clinicians should be trained and proactive to deliver the best care for their patients. In essence, asking practical questions about what trade-offs patients are willing to make for ensuring good days ahead are key to excellent palliative care (for any age). He stresses that instead of simply giving all the options for care at the outset of a diagnosis doctors should instead ask a set of pertinent questions to get at what their patient really wants to have a good quality of life. This is relevant (and necessary) for patients whether they be elderly, terminally ill, or disabled. Gawande clearly knows his stuff (he is a doctor after all) and he was thorough in his research for this book as he interviewed across many disciplines to see what is being done by various agencies in the care of the elderly and dying. Apparently there is no one accepted method of care except to ask, listen, and respect the wishes of patients. According to Gawande, there is "...a still unresolved argument about what the function of medicine really is - what, in other words, we should and should not be paying for doctors to do." (pg 187) Hospice is not just an option for those who are looking for end of life help or to speed up death but is an excellent choice to make good days out of one's remaining life. My verdict: Very informative book that I kept picking up with great alacrity and I will definitely read more of his writing. 10/10

I'll leave you with this final quote to chew over:

"At root, the debate is about what we fear most - the mistake of prolonging suffering or the mistake of shortening valued life. All the same, I fear what happens when we expand the terrain of medical practice to include actively assisting people with speeding their death." - pg 244  

Source: Amazon

What's Up Next: The Science of Superheroes by Lois H. Gresh & Robert E. Weinberg

What I'm Currently Reading: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Raw, unfiltered, and achingly honest

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi is a posthumous memoir/biography from a man who was both in the prime of his life and the beginning of what promised to be an illustrious career as a neurosurgeon and neuroscientist. The terminal lung cancer which was already making its way through his spinal column wasn't part of the plan...and yet Paul chose to meet this challenge head-on as a way to understand and learn how the inevitability of death can be explored by those shepherding the way. How does the mind and brain (seen as two separate entities here) play a role in this? He first approached this topic through the lens of literature which he had always been interested in (hence the beginning of the book which would eventually be published after his death) but he then moved on to his direct experience as a doctor and then as a patient. Paul was interested in the bigger picture of what exactly death means and he kept trying to parse it out by asking, "Where did biology, morality, literature, and philosophy intersect?" (pg 41). He didn't shy away from the ugly underbelly of cancer treatment and how it's seen from both a medical professional's standpoint (best practices, proven remedies, etc) and the one receiving the care (uncertainty, despair, anger, and frustration to name a few). Facing mortality and asking the tough questions are the overarching themes of When Breath Becomes Air but this is also a quiet story about a man coming to terms with the fact his life was about to end. I don't want to give away all of the details because I really think you should read this one if you never read another book about death (although why stop here?). I didn't know if I'd be able to continue it at several points (there were tears) because it mirrors so much of what my dear friend, Jessica, went through during her battle with cancer. But I am happy that I persevered. 10/10

This quote blew my mind because I feel I'm constantly justifying to people why I do the work that I do even though some of it doesn't compensate me at all (the blog) and the one that does is probably never going to make me financially solvent (children's librarian). Looking at the bigger picture is hard if you are cutting out the crucial bits like death which comes for us all.

Indeed, this is how 99 percent of people select their jobs: pay, work, environment, house. But that's the point. Putting lifestyle first is how you find a job - not a calling. - pg 68-69

If I remember correctly this was a quote from Paul's wife and I think it perfectly encapsulates why this is such an important book. It's why I've read and reviewed so many books around this topic over the past year.

Paul confronted death - examined it, wrestled with it, accepted it - as a physician and a patient. He wanted to help people understand death and face their mortality. Paul's decision not to avert his eyes from death epitomizes a fortitude we don't celebrate enough in our death-avoidant culture. - pg 215

Source: Amazon

Side note of interest (at least to me): Lucy, Paul's widow, found love again with a recently widowed father of two...who's spouse also wrote a book about her journey of dying. That book is The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs and yes it's totally going on my TRL.

What's Up Next: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande

What I'm Currently Reading: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Bringing a whole new meaning to the term 'connected'

Think A Clockwork Orange meets I, Robot and you're on the right track to grasping the concept of Feed. If you've ever read or watched A Clockwork Orange, you'll remember the made up language/slang called Nadsat which was so complicated that a glossary was included at the back off the book. Feed isn't quite that difficult but it does take a meg long time to get used to (that was a little example there). As veteran readers of the blog will know, I am fascinated (or you could say horrified) by the theory that technology will one day destroy humanity as we know it now. One could even argue that it's already well under way. What M.T. Anderson has done is look at how corporations and the media have shaped our culture and what might happen if we surrender fully to it. This is a worst case scenario (at least I hope it is) of what happens when we cease asking questions and nourishing our natural curiosity. What if we were all tapped into the media and each other in such a way that we soon became mere vessels for corporations to exploit? Would life find a way? Find out by reading Feed and letting your imagination run wild.
  
(I am actually reading The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova now.) A young woman stumbles upon letters written by her father which detail a quest to find out the truth about Vlad the Impaler (aka the guy who inspired Dracula). She must decide if she wants to follow in her father's footsteps and seek to unravel the mysteries that might just cross over into modern times...

I wanted to make a Time Lord joke but I couldn't think of any :'-(

A lot of people are preoccupied with time: How it should be spent, how it can be saved, and how to make sure it isn't wasted. Have you ever accused someone of stealing your time? Momo is the only person who is able to resist the allure of the grey men who are time thieves. An already unique child, Momo, is abandoned by all of her friends who have fallen prey to these menaces (and they really do sound menacing + the illustrations are delightfully creepy). Much like The Neverending Story, the city that Michael Ende has created feels tangible and real...actually it sounds like Rome. The characters leap off of the page. Fantasy is done right when your imagination is allowed to run rampant and a talking turtle is as ordinary as a gorilla that learns sign language (I still think that's amazing). Momo is all about making the most of your time by spending it with those that you love. I think this is an especially poignant message for adults who are bombarded with deadlines and to-do lists and children who often feel neglected by those same adults. The message is clear but the delivery is what makes Ende's writing so special and why I believe he is an underrated children's author in our country (but not in his home country of Germany!).
I love science and I love space soooo I'm reading The 4% Universe: Dark Matter, Dark Energy, and the Race to Discover the Rest of Reality by Richard Panek. By this point, most people have heard about dark matter which is the stuff that can't be seen but which we know exists because of its gravitational effects on other objects that we can see. Panek conducted hundreds of interviews with many prominent scientists which shed light on the subject (and the drama in the scientific community). My science senses are tingling with excitement!

Yep, epically bad idea

When I first bought The Fault in Our Stars, it was simply because I had great admiration for the author and wanted to show my support.  I had heard from a lot of people that it was very well-written and that he was known for breaking hearts with his words.  These people were not wrong.  It's no secret (to those that know me off of the Internets) that someone that I loved very much was beaten by cancer.  She was young and vibrant and simply Jessica.  I've read other books about cancer and each of them has stabbed at me in differing ways.  This one focused on the dying part of cancer and not really the fighting part.  Yes, there was the "battle with cancer" aspect but the main character has terminal cancer and she knows that she is simply biding time.  She's accepted her fate.  I did cry while reading this book.  All I could think about were those short yet endless months of my friend's last days and how at the end it wasn't really a fight anymore.  She had accepted her fate.  It wasn't so easy for the rest of us.  Still isn't.

Oh the review.  The book was excellent.  I highly recommend it but I do caution that it will cause you to feel.

The next book in the rotation is a Victorian murder mystery with a bewitching love story (or so the back of the book says).  I chose it because there's a dude with a top hat on the cover.  I'm a sucker for top hats. The book is The Meaning of Night: A Confession by Michael Cox.