The light in the darkness

Well, here I am talking about cancer and dying again. I swear it's the last of these for a good long while, guys. (I hope I don't end up eating my words.) The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs was recommended to me after reading When Breath Becomes Air because Nina's widowed husband is now dating the widow of Paul Kalinithi who wrote the aforementioned. O_O  At the start of her story, Nina was 38 years old and her biggest problems centered around publishing her newest bit of writing and mothering her two young sons with her husband...and then Cancer rapidly derailed her life. When Nina was initially diagnosed with breast cancer her mother was fighting her own battle with an aggressive myeloma. At first, Nina's diagnosis seemed quite straightforward in comparison. Her doctor felt it was quite treatable with a mastectomy and chemo but right as her life seemed to stabilize a stabbing back pain (reminiscent of Paul Kalinithi) made itself known. This turned out to be the harbinger of Stage 4 cancer which unfortunately was not curable. To add insult to injury, her mother's cancer stopped responding to treatment and she opted to stop her treatment. Overwhelming and almost unbelievably melodramatic as this all sounds Nina chose to view each day through a positive lens. It is obvious to me that she was a special person with a whole lot of spirit. Sadly, she passed away before final publication of her book but her legacy still lives and breathes on each page of her memoir. I'm sorry we can't enjoy more writing from her in the future.  9/10

Source: Simon & Schuster

What's Up Next: The Science of Supervillains by Lois H. Gresh & Robert Weinberg

What I'm Currently Reading: Tales from the Inner City by Shaun Tan

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Raw, unfiltered, and achingly honest

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi is a posthumous memoir/biography from a man who was both in the prime of his life and the beginning of what promised to be an illustrious career as a neurosurgeon and neuroscientist. The terminal lung cancer which was already making its way through his spinal column wasn't part of the plan...and yet Paul chose to meet this challenge head-on as a way to understand and learn how the inevitability of death can be explored by those shepherding the way. How does the mind and brain (seen as two separate entities here) play a role in this? He first approached this topic through the lens of literature which he had always been interested in (hence the beginning of the book which would eventually be published after his death) but he then moved on to his direct experience as a doctor and then as a patient. Paul was interested in the bigger picture of what exactly death means and he kept trying to parse it out by asking, "Where did biology, morality, literature, and philosophy intersect?" (pg 41). He didn't shy away from the ugly underbelly of cancer treatment and how it's seen from both a medical professional's standpoint (best practices, proven remedies, etc) and the one receiving the care (uncertainty, despair, anger, and frustration to name a few). Facing mortality and asking the tough questions are the overarching themes of When Breath Becomes Air but this is also a quiet story about a man coming to terms with the fact his life was about to end. I don't want to give away all of the details because I really think you should read this one if you never read another book about death (although why stop here?). I didn't know if I'd be able to continue it at several points (there were tears) because it mirrors so much of what my dear friend, Jessica, went through during her battle with cancer. But I am happy that I persevered. 10/10

This quote blew my mind because I feel I'm constantly justifying to people why I do the work that I do even though some of it doesn't compensate me at all (the blog) and the one that does is probably never going to make me financially solvent (children's librarian). Looking at the bigger picture is hard if you are cutting out the crucial bits like death which comes for us all.

Indeed, this is how 99 percent of people select their jobs: pay, work, environment, house. But that's the point. Putting lifestyle first is how you find a job - not a calling. - pg 68-69

If I remember correctly this was a quote from Paul's wife and I think it perfectly encapsulates why this is such an important book. It's why I've read and reviewed so many books around this topic over the past year.

Paul confronted death - examined it, wrestled with it, accepted it - as a physician and a patient. He wanted to help people understand death and face their mortality. Paul's decision not to avert his eyes from death epitomizes a fortitude we don't celebrate enough in our death-avoidant culture. - pg 215

Source: Amazon

Side note of interest (at least to me): Lucy, Paul's widow, found love again with a recently widowed father of two...who's spouse also wrote a book about her journey of dying. That book is The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs and yes it's totally going on my TRL.

What's Up Next: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande

What I'm Currently Reading: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Do you remember your favorite teacher?

Every year at the New York Public Library a list of the Best Books for Kids is crafted. I had a peek at this year's list and grabbed a few to read and review for the blog. For the most part, I grabbed a ton of picture books but there were a few chapter books that really caught my attention. :-)

I had a feeling that John David Anderson's Ms. Bixby's Last Day would be an emotional rollercoaster from the first couple of pages. The chapters alternate between the points of view of three middle school boys who are best friends. They have very different personalities but one thing they have in common is that Ms. Bixby is their favorite teacher. One of the best things about this book is that it shows that you never quite know what another person is going through and that each person has a unique set of abilities and talents. I think this is a particularly important message for middle grade readers because this is the time where you start feeling awkward, misunderstood, and alienated from your peers (and oftentimes your family). Adolescence can be difficult enough but it can be made even more so if your world is completely turned upside down. That's exactly what happens when these boys (and the rest of the school) discover that Ms. Bixby will have to leave school suddenly due to illness. The book focuses on how each of the boys reacts to the news and follows them on an epic quest to make Ms. Bixby's last day in town one that is made of pure awesomeness. This is one of those books that parents would probably think is 'too harsh' or 'too sad' for kids to read and that is exactly why kids should read it. Life isn't always sunshine and roses. Sometimes things are sad and challenging and it's important that kids see that this happens just as often as the fun, silly times. Another thing to point out is that these are 3 middle school boys who are not afraid to show their emotions and to be vulnerable. This is a fantastic message! I enjoyed this book so much that I picked up another book by John David Anderson which is on a very different wavelength (it's about superheroes) and I'll be posting that review up in a few weeks. Ms. Bixby's Last Day gets a 10/10 from me.

PS Make sure your seat-belt is tightened for the emotional rollercoaster you're about to be on if you embark on this book. You have been warned.

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

There's growing pains and then there's this

I've just read Stitches by David Small in one sitting. I'm not saying this to brag about my reading speed but more to express how engrossing I found his art and writing. Stitches is a memoir which focuses on an event which no one should ever have had to experience. First, there's the disturbing picture of his home life and the interaction of his parents with him and with one another (and his brother). One might argue that the silence endured in his home was a result of culture at that time (it was the 1950s). However, life is hardly ever so simply explained. (If you are looking to diversify your reading experience to encompass mental illness then you should check out this book.) The entire book is without color. To me, this was a powerful choice that illustrates quite aptly how David saw his life as monochromatic and without vibrancy. Some of the pages have no dialogue whatsoever and I think some of those are the most compelling. A feeling of helplessness and fear is evoked. And to think that David Small didn't see anything particularly interesting in his life story and this book almost didn't get written... Born with poor sinuses to a scientist father it made perfect sense that David would be subjected to the 'latest' innovations in science: the x-ray. This was before it was known that repeated exposure to radiation to that degree on a child that young...you can probably guess what happened. However, communication was so poor in their household that David was ignorant of what was really going on. The name of the book denotes some of the consequences of the actions made by his parents but until you have truly read the book from cover to cover and looked at the emotive images...it's powerful stuff. This is a well-written, beautifully illustrated book that is definitely worth a shot.

Want to have your mind blown? Here's an illustration by David of David illustrating:

Source: davidsmallbooks.com

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Yep, epically bad idea

When I first bought The Fault in Our Stars, it was simply because I had great admiration for the author and wanted to show my support.  I had heard from a lot of people that it was very well-written and that he was known for breaking hearts with his words.  These people were not wrong.  It's no secret (to those that know me off of the Internets) that someone that I loved very much was beaten by cancer.  She was young and vibrant and simply Jessica.  I've read other books about cancer and each of them has stabbed at me in differing ways.  This one focused on the dying part of cancer and not really the fighting part.  Yes, there was the "battle with cancer" aspect but the main character has terminal cancer and she knows that she is simply biding time.  She's accepted her fate.  I did cry while reading this book.  All I could think about were those short yet endless months of my friend's last days and how at the end it wasn't really a fight anymore.  She had accepted her fate.  It wasn't so easy for the rest of us.  Still isn't.

Oh the review.  The book was excellent.  I highly recommend it but I do caution that it will cause you to feel.

The next book in the rotation is a Victorian murder mystery with a bewitching love story (or so the back of the book says).  I chose it because there's a dude with a top hat on the cover.  I'm a sucker for top hats. The book is The Meaning of Night: A Confession by Michael Cox.  

Enough of this seriousness!

FINALLY, I'm finished with The Emperor of All Maladies.  The book was fantastic but lengthy.  I don't recommend starting this book unless you have a lot of free time on your hands (and an interest in the intense subject matter that is cancer).  I DO recommend it if you're looking to gain insight into a disease that effects 1 in 2 people on this planet.

Of course, now that I've finished this book which covered such a serious topic I'm ready for something a little lighter.  I recently watched an episode of the Graham Norton Show and he had on a comedian named Jon Richardson.  This guy is so neurotic that he makes me feel normal.  He recently penned a book entitled It's Not Me, It's You which of course I immediately placed on my wish list.  Fortunately, I received it for Christmas and that's what I'm going to crack open next.  The book describes his quest to find his other half despite the fact that women are repelled by all of his eccentricities (and he is constantly disgusted by their complete lack of disregard for staying tidy).  I can't wait to deliver my take on it!

In the meantime, keep reading!

Seems like there's not enough hours in the day sometimes...

I just finished up Robopocalpyse and it was awesome (and terrifying).  The thought that machines could rise up against the human race and nearly obliterate us doesn't seem all that hard to believe.  It wasn't a particularly long or arduous read and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  The structure of the book reads like diary entries except they are told from the point of view of various Robs (robots).  The descriptive prose made the story come alive and had me practially blowing through the pages.

After that fun read I decided to head down a completely different path and picked up The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer by Siddhartha Mukherjee which chronicles the disease that is cancer.  I have lost quite a few people to this heinous disease and a book that essentially breaks it down to a narrative format intrigued me.  It just came out and so I had to place it on hold to make sure that I got it.  I only have 3 days to read it and it's 470 pages long.  This a true test, people!  Here I go!!

EDIT: I was able to renew the book so now I can read at my leisure (and a good thing too as I haven’t even broken 100!).