Caftans should be more of a thing

I have been singing the praises of The Guncle by Steven Rowley to almost every single person that I've spoken to recently. YA'LL. When it was sold to me as a book that embodied the hilarious campiness of Leslie Jordan you know I was sold immediately. And it did not disappoint. This book follows Patrick who has recently found himself in the unenviable position of being the caregiver for his niece and nephew as they navigate the grief of losing their mother. (I don't want to give more details because I want your reading experience to be as pristine and surprising as mine was.) There are so many fantastic elements to this book that I hardly know where to begin. Patrick is a fantastic character in his own right with an acerbic wit, Guncle Rules for living your best life, and a healthy dash of flash and flair. Ugh I desperately want to be Patrick's BFF. And then there's Maisie and Grant who have been believably written as YouTube obsessed kids who are handling this monumental life change with varying degrees of success. (I am so sick of authors writing kids who are either saccharine sweet or heinous monsters when in reality most kids are a delightful mixture of the two.) Between the three of them, they are doing their utmost to get over the first hurdles of being without this pivotal person in their lives (for Patrick it's his sister-in-law and best friend rolled into one) while also getting to properly know each other. It is EXCELLENT. Please listen to me and give this book a try because I truly think you won't regret it. 10/10

PS Bonus points for the neighbors who live next door to Patrick who I also want to befriend.

Source: Goodreads

What I'm currently reading: The Novel Cure from Abandonment to Zestlessness: 751 Books to Cure What Ails You by Ella Berthoud & Susan Elderkin

**If you're interested in buying any of these books or any books really, you can click here. This will re-direct you to AbeBooks which is a site I use all of the time to find used books at an excellent price. A lot of the time I don't even pay for shipping! Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made through this link. You will not be charged anything additional for my commission. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

A bit of reality

I am all for works of fantasy and sci-fi to tell stories that pull the reader into different worlds and experiences. However, there's something to be said about introducing a piece of realistic fiction to an emerging reader so that they can feel that 'so someone has felt the same things that I have' feeling. When you're growing up, it's so easy to feel isolated and alien. You feel like your problems are huge and that no one could possibly understand your pains, frustrations, or anguish. And then a little book like this one comes along. Like Pickle Juice on a Cookie by Julie Sternberg follows a little girl called Eleanor who experiences suffers abandonment and all the attendant stages of grief that come along after when the babysitter she's had her entire life moves away. With Eleanor's adjustment to a new babysitter who is wholly different from Bibi, she learns that sometimes change is good and relationships can survive distance. This is a good lesson for us all I think. This book is perfect for the emerging reader (probably why it was recommended in Excellent Books for Early and Eager Readers). It's written in short, simple sentences (somewhat oddly structured on each page) with illustrations by Matthew Cordell liberally spread throughout.  7/10

Source: Amazon

What's Up Next: The Doll People by Ann M. Martin with pictures by Brian Selznick

What I'm Currently Reading: The Gods Themselves by Isaac Isamov

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

The light in the darkness

Well, here I am talking about cancer and dying again. I swear it's the last of these for a good long while, guys. (I hope I don't end up eating my words.) The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs was recommended to me after reading When Breath Becomes Air because Nina's widowed husband is now dating the widow of Paul Kalinithi who wrote the aforementioned. O_O  At the start of her story, Nina was 38 years old and her biggest problems centered around publishing her newest bit of writing and mothering her two young sons with her husband...and then Cancer rapidly derailed her life. When Nina was initially diagnosed with breast cancer her mother was fighting her own battle with an aggressive myeloma. At first, Nina's diagnosis seemed quite straightforward in comparison. Her doctor felt it was quite treatable with a mastectomy and chemo but right as her life seemed to stabilize a stabbing back pain (reminiscent of Paul Kalinithi) made itself known. This turned out to be the harbinger of Stage 4 cancer which unfortunately was not curable. To add insult to injury, her mother's cancer stopped responding to treatment and she opted to stop her treatment. Overwhelming and almost unbelievably melodramatic as this all sounds Nina chose to view each day through a positive lens. It is obvious to me that she was a special person with a whole lot of spirit. Sadly, she passed away before final publication of her book but her legacy still lives and breathes on each page of her memoir. I'm sorry we can't enjoy more writing from her in the future.  9/10

Source: Simon & Schuster

What's Up Next: The Science of Supervillains by Lois H. Gresh & Robert Weinberg

What I'm Currently Reading: Tales from the Inner City by Shaun Tan

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Raw, unfiltered, and achingly honest

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi is a posthumous memoir/biography from a man who was both in the prime of his life and the beginning of what promised to be an illustrious career as a neurosurgeon and neuroscientist. The terminal lung cancer which was already making its way through his spinal column wasn't part of the plan...and yet Paul chose to meet this challenge head-on as a way to understand and learn how the inevitability of death can be explored by those shepherding the way. How does the mind and brain (seen as two separate entities here) play a role in this? He first approached this topic through the lens of literature which he had always been interested in (hence the beginning of the book which would eventually be published after his death) but he then moved on to his direct experience as a doctor and then as a patient. Paul was interested in the bigger picture of what exactly death means and he kept trying to parse it out by asking, "Where did biology, morality, literature, and philosophy intersect?" (pg 41). He didn't shy away from the ugly underbelly of cancer treatment and how it's seen from both a medical professional's standpoint (best practices, proven remedies, etc) and the one receiving the care (uncertainty, despair, anger, and frustration to name a few). Facing mortality and asking the tough questions are the overarching themes of When Breath Becomes Air but this is also a quiet story about a man coming to terms with the fact his life was about to end. I don't want to give away all of the details because I really think you should read this one if you never read another book about death (although why stop here?). I didn't know if I'd be able to continue it at several points (there were tears) because it mirrors so much of what my dear friend, Jessica, went through during her battle with cancer. But I am happy that I persevered. 10/10

This quote blew my mind because I feel I'm constantly justifying to people why I do the work that I do even though some of it doesn't compensate me at all (the blog) and the one that does is probably never going to make me financially solvent (children's librarian). Looking at the bigger picture is hard if you are cutting out the crucial bits like death which comes for us all.

Indeed, this is how 99 percent of people select their jobs: pay, work, environment, house. But that's the point. Putting lifestyle first is how you find a job - not a calling. - pg 68-69

If I remember correctly this was a quote from Paul's wife and I think it perfectly encapsulates why this is such an important book. It's why I've read and reviewed so many books around this topic over the past year.

Paul confronted death - examined it, wrestled with it, accepted it - as a physician and a patient. He wanted to help people understand death and face their mortality. Paul's decision not to avert his eyes from death epitomizes a fortitude we don't celebrate enough in our death-avoidant culture. - pg 215

Source: Amazon

Side note of interest (at least to me): Lucy, Paul's widow, found love again with a recently widowed father of two...who's spouse also wrote a book about her journey of dying. That book is The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Nina Riggs and yes it's totally going on my TRL.

What's Up Next: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande

What I'm Currently Reading: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

All the world's a stage but thank goodness I'm not a Winged Monkey

One of the things I regretted last summer was that I wasn't more in touch with the books selected for the Summer Reading program. So I decided as soon as the list was given to us that I would read as many books as I could so that I'd be better prepared for recommending them to our patrons. This is why I picked up Short by Holly Goldberg Sloan. The story is told through the eyes of Lydia, an 11-year old girl, who is super sensitive about her height...until she is chosen to be a Munchkin and Winged Monkey in her town's production of The Wizard of Oz where it suddenly becomes an advantage. She discovers that her height is just a small (no pun intended) part of her. She makes friends with a fellow cast member named Olive who is herself a dwarf as well as an older neighbor named Mrs. Chang who turns out to have many years of experience with the theater and costume making. My favorite part about this book was the main character, Lydia, who was absolutely hysterical.

An example from page 26-7 as she describes the director of the play she's performing in:

He is for sure older than my parents, who are old, because they are forty-two and forty-four. He might be super-super-super-old. Is he fifty-five? I have no idea.

Sloan totally gets the 'voice' of a child. They have zero concept of age (I've been told I'm 84 so I know from experience) and they also have zero reason to lie to you. Lydia is a well-rounded character who not only makes hilarious asides but also conveys depth of feeling.

When confronted with an awkward conversation about death:

My voice is small. I whisper, "Life is a cabaret." I don't even know what this means, but I heard Shawn Barr say it to Mrs. Chang a few days ago and they both laughed. It works, because she smiles. I'm guessing a cabaret is a kind of wine. I hope she'll have a tall glass. - pg 240

Overall, this was a delightful little read and I've been more than happy to recommend it to the children and parents at my library. If you're a fan of the theater or looking for a book full of heart (or both) well I think you've found your book match. ;-)

A/N: If you're triggered by repeated mentions of pet death then don't come near this book. It's not a spoiler to tell you this is a running theme throughout the book beginning in the first couple of pages. Grief is a large theme explored in this book but I didn't find it as compelling as the self-discovery/acceptance experienced by Lydia.

There are 2 different covers for this one and honestly I like them both quite a bit.

Source: Barnes & Noble

Source: Amazon.com

What's Up Next: The Royal Rabbits of London by Santa & Simon Sebag Montefiore

What I'm Currently Reading: Madam President: An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Run the World by Jennifer Palmieri

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Friendly advice

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life From Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed is a collection of the letters and responses that were printed in the advice column, "Dear Sugar", from The Rumpus. The topics range from love and marriage, cheating, identity (sexual and otherwise), parenting, relationships with parents/children, grief, and abuse. Strayed does not pull her punches and she doesn't apologize for it either. She somewhat softens the blows of her blunt advice and observations with endearments like 'sweet pea' and 'honey bun' but instead of sounding condescending it feels like it could be delivered by a trusted confidant. Lest you think that she gives this advice from a rather standoffish perspective it is often conveyed through her own personal experiences and struggles. When the column was originally written her identity was unknown which makes the intimacy and the rawness of the letter writers and her response to them such a unique and wonderful thing. If you've ever experienced turmoil in any area of your life (and you'd have to because that's just a natural part of things) then reading such real, honest advice delivered with love and respect is a welcome breath of fresh air. I laughed, cried, and goggled with incredulity while reading this book. It's an excellent palate cleanser if you're in a book reading rut or a great way to kick start your summer reading adventure. ;-) 10/10

Source: Amazon

The inner flap contains some great quotes. [Source: Cook, Wine, & Thinker!]

What's Up Next: The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford

What I'm Currently Reading: Condoleezza Rice: A memoir of my extraordinary, ordinary family and me by Condoleezza Rice

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

How to awaken the heart: an instruction manual

My pals over at Wunderkind PR sent me a copy of today's book and asked that I give an honest review. Spoiler alert: I said yes. :-)

How to Love the Empty Air by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz is a collection of poetry which primarily focuses on her relationship with her mother (also a writer) and the grief she experienced after her death. Please don't think it's all doom and gloom and buckets of tears (although there is that too) because she also delves into the pockets of happiness that can be found amidst the overwhelming sadness of losing someone so dear. Cristin speaks to that part of the heart that is attuned to the people in our lives who get us so completely that even the idea that they might not be there pulls the air from one's lungs. From her poem "O Laughter" comes this gem: Sometimes the pain bursts out of me like a flock of starlings. Perfection! If I had to express this book in graph form it would be a steep incline immediately followed by a steep decline and finished off with a steady incline that disappears off the side of the page. Simply put, this is an absolutely lovely little book with beautiful prose and if it doesn't stir your heart I wonder if you even have one. 10/10

PS I'd also like to note that 1. I loved the finish on this book. It's like that velvety feeling that some books have and it was an absolute treat to hold it. 2. I enjoyed Cristin's book so much that I'm actively looking to read her other works (including a nonfiction book).

Source: Amazon

What's Up Next: Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places by Colin Dickey

What I'm Currently Reading: The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

This illness isn't real so don't worry

There is a section on New York Public Library's website where librarians recommend some of their favorite books. I have been known to trawl through looking for ideas about what to read next (because I'm clearly lacking in books lol) and that's where I came across Close Enough to Touch by Colleen Oakley. Our main character, Jubilee Jenkins, is a small-town librarian with a big secret...she's allergic to human touch. And I do mean deathly allergic. Let me back up a bit because the book doesn't open with her working in the library and fretting about whether or not anyone has figured out she can't touch them. Instead we meet Jubilee in her home where she has been sequestered away for several years after a bad allergy attack which nearly killed her. She decides the best way to keep herself safe is to not come into any kind of contact with the outside world which of course results in her becoming absolutely petrified to leave her house for any reason. (She even comes up with a system for getting her trash to the curb without going outside.) I had originally been intrigued by this book because it gave me slight Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore vibes but once I got into it I realized that the main difference here is that she's not trying to solve a mystery. Jubilee just wants to live. 

This book's narrative could have been tightened up extensively. There's the exploration of mental illness but there's also a burgeoning romance. AND there was a second subplot involving her romantic interest and his relationship with his adopted son. I think by splitting the focus, none of these were explored satisfactorily. The ending was somewhat confusing and left me disappointed that I had spent the time reading the book at all. And honestly I didn't care for Jubilee. She was extremely wishy-washy and many times I found myself frustrated with her. The initial concept was interesting but the execution and the muddied plot turned this into a low rated read for me: 4/10.

Check out the different interpretations of the story via the book cover:

The cover I had. [Source: TLC Book Tours]

Source: The eBook Hunter

Source: Simon & Schuster

What's Up Next: Deep Dark Fears & The Creeps by Fran Krause

What I'm Currently Reading: Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Lifting the veil

I can't remember how I came to find out about today's book but I am certainly glad that I did. The book is Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved with illustrations by Charlotte Pardi. (It's translated from Dutch to English by Robert Moulthrop.) The premise is a simple one: Teaching children how to handle the grief of a loved one who passes away. (Coincidentally, it might help adults as well.) The illustrations themselves are quite unique and beautiful but when linked with the words are perfect and stunning. The story follows 4 siblings who wait with Death who is there to take their grandmother. It's a poignant depiction of the tension that one feels when sitting at the bedside of someone near and dear to your heart. It's a lifting of the veil so that if a child were to experience death they would see that without it there can be no fervor or joy in life. It's a two-sided coin. It's an extremely touching story and I think it is a really lovely way to introduce a difficult topic to children (you can't shield them from it forever and you really shouldn't try). 10/10 and highly recommend to all ages.

Source: The New York Times

Source: Brain Pickings

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Do you remember your favorite teacher?

Every year at the New York Public Library a list of the Best Books for Kids is crafted. I had a peek at this year's list and grabbed a few to read and review for the blog. For the most part, I grabbed a ton of picture books but there were a few chapter books that really caught my attention. :-)

I had a feeling that John David Anderson's Ms. Bixby's Last Day would be an emotional rollercoaster from the first couple of pages. The chapters alternate between the points of view of three middle school boys who are best friends. They have very different personalities but one thing they have in common is that Ms. Bixby is their favorite teacher. One of the best things about this book is that it shows that you never quite know what another person is going through and that each person has a unique set of abilities and talents. I think this is a particularly important message for middle grade readers because this is the time where you start feeling awkward, misunderstood, and alienated from your peers (and oftentimes your family). Adolescence can be difficult enough but it can be made even more so if your world is completely turned upside down. That's exactly what happens when these boys (and the rest of the school) discover that Ms. Bixby will have to leave school suddenly due to illness. The book focuses on how each of the boys reacts to the news and follows them on an epic quest to make Ms. Bixby's last day in town one that is made of pure awesomeness. This is one of those books that parents would probably think is 'too harsh' or 'too sad' for kids to read and that is exactly why kids should read it. Life isn't always sunshine and roses. Sometimes things are sad and challenging and it's important that kids see that this happens just as often as the fun, silly times. Another thing to point out is that these are 3 middle school boys who are not afraid to show their emotions and to be vulnerable. This is a fantastic message! I enjoyed this book so much that I picked up another book by John David Anderson which is on a very different wavelength (it's about superheroes) and I'll be posting that review up in a few weeks. Ms. Bixby's Last Day gets a 10/10 from me.

PS Make sure your seat-belt is tightened for the emotional rollercoaster you're about to be on if you embark on this book. You have been warned.

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Take a minute and hug the cranky folks in your life

I had to wait what felt like a decade but I finally got to see what all the hype was about when I read A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman. This is a Swedish to English translation so I went into this one fairly confident I was going to love it based on my track record. (For example, I read The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared last year.) And I was right! The story centers on Ove who everyone sees as a cranky old man completely set in his own ways aka a total curmudgeon. However, the reader gets to see what goes on behind closed doors and so from the very start we know that all Ove wants is to kill himself. (This is a very funny book, trust me.) Yes, he wants to commit suicide except that every time he turns around someone in the neighborhood is approaching him with a problem. He's Mr. Fix-It in a pair of clogs. A man born of routines and logic is soon forced into a group of people who use those dreaded things called feelings to inform all of their decisions. We get to discover who Ove really is through flashbacks as well as his reactions to those around him. For a man that doesn't seem to hold much stock in that feeling malarkey it's soon readily apparent that he's not some automaton obsessed with Saab automobiles. (Although he really is obsessed with Saab vehicles.) It's a reminder that surface impressions are generally completely erroneous and that still waters truly run deep. This is such a beautifully wrought story bursting at the seams with heart and humor. If you're looking for a great character study with a lot of biting wit then I think this one is for you. 10/10

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Fear of death

You may have noticed (or maybe it didn't even register) that I didn't make my regular Tuesday posting. I traveled for Thanksgiving and honestly I'm surprised I got last Friday's post and today's post up (even if it is super late). It's been a busy week! However, on the flight I was able to read a graphic novel that I've had on my radar for quite some time. Three Shadows by Cyril Pedrosa is a tension-filled story of just how far a father will go to keep his son safe. The story begins with a depiction of a nearly idyllic family complete with mother, father, and son who are living off the land in perfect bliss until...the three shadows appear. It is a story of fear, determination, and the lengths a father will go to when he feels his son is threatened. It's also about grief and the inevitability of death. I think this is an important book for a couple of reasons. Firstly, if there is someone in your life who is currently struggling with a loss it could provide a measure of comfort that they are not alone. Secondly, if a parent is trying to explain life and death to their child then this might be the way to go. I know there are other children's picture books that touch on this topic but this definitely discusses not only the sadness but the fear of death which I think adults relate to even more so than children. Thirdly, the artwork really complements the story. It's without color, straightforward, and charming. I'm giving this one a 7/10.

**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **

Grief does not preclude hope

The following book was kindly sent to me by the author, Dan Buri, who requested a review. He's been extraordinarily patient with me as I've waded through a lot of books (and procrastination). Thanks, Dan!

Pieces Like Pottery: Stories of Loss and Redemption is exactly what it claims to be. This is a collection of short stories that examine grief and how different people deal with it. It's also about hope and resilience. After finishing this delightful little book, I felt uplifted and encouraged. I'd compare it to The Opposite of Loneliness in terms of how powerful I found the writing and it's re-readability. In between each short story is a little vignette which works as a bridge between each narrative. At the end, you realize that they're more interwoven than the disparate stories led you to believe. (It truly surprised me.) Pieces Like Pottery runs the gamut of loss and the myriad ways it can affect an individual. From the loss of a child to the loss of one's self, this was a beautifully imagined and heartfelt little collection. 10/10 highly recommend.



Source: amazon.com


**If you're interested in buying this book or any books really, you can click here or here. The first will re-direct you to AbeBooks and the second will re-direct you to The Book Depository. These are great websites for purchasing books (AbeBooks carries inexpensive used and out-of-print books and The Book Depository ships free everywhere in the world). Full disclosure: I will receive a commission on all sales made by following either of these links. I wouldn't recommend a site that I didn't use and you are under no obligation to purchase anything. :-) **